Week 44: Four Rooms (Nicholson’s, Hamburger Mary’s, Tostado’s, IKEA?!)
Author: admin // Category: Eating out, Food reviewWhew, what an exhausting week. It’s been really gratifying for this one to end because it’s been LOTS and lots of work. But I’m pleased to tell you I’m writing this from our NEW and beautiful 3rd floor office. I kind of feel like king of the world from up here, with my rockin’ computer sound system and natural elevation advantage over most other folks in the ‘hood. But a lot of work to get here!
As a part of “getting here,” I’m pleased to say I’ve had more than a usual number of meals out this week. (Well, my wallet isn’t pleased, nor my stomach. But ME, I was plenty pleased.) Except that not all these meals were great. Of these four rooms, let’s say 3 out of 4 ain’t bad!
A Return to Comfortable Form: Hamburger Mary’s (Downtown)
I for one was modestly disappointed when Hamburger Mary’s went belly-up a few years ago, to be replaced by the seemingly-similar, but definitely-not-similar, Universal Grille. Then the whole operation shut down. Well, folks, Hamburger Mary’s is back and while I can’t say it’s better than ever, it’s the same as ever which is pretty good for getting some diversity downtown.
After two changes of ownership you might expect more changes than just some furniture arranging, but again… this isn’t an avant-guarde dining experience. It’s just Mary’s. In fact, the only thing missing on this day was “Mary” herself. (For those who haven’t had the pleasure of a Mary’s experience, the “hostess” at Mary’s was always, well, a Mary. A drag queen, you know? But not this day!)
As for the food?
Well, folks, it’s burgers… and big ones at that. Perfectly enjoyable– I got the BBQ burger, replete with swiss cheese, bacon, and an onion ring. It was thankfully prepared PERFECTLY (so nice when they know what medium rare is like)– the only issue was that the BBQ sauce they were using were almost sickly sweet– it definitely clouded the overall impression of the sandwich, but I take great solace that the meal was prepared well. The “spicy fries” on the side, while not particularly innovative, provided a blessed relief from the sweetness. All things told, it was a lunch that I’ve been missing for… oh, three years or so!
A (Nice!) Surprise at Tostado’s Grill (Columbia-Tusculum)
So, tucked away on Delta just south of Columbia Parkway is a a slightly-larger-than-normal hole in the wall called Tostado’s Grill. This is an interesting place, because while most people haven’t heard of it, the kind who have heard of it describe it one of two ways. One camp says, “oh yeah, they have Mexican food and it’s pretty good.” The other camp says, “Tostado’s? Oh, that’s kind of a fun place late at night around 1 or 2 when they’ve got karaoke on and cheap drinks.” The interesting thing is that I’ve yet to find someone who seems to recognize it BOTH as a Mexican restaurant and locals bar late at night. Odd. I was of the camp that knew it as a late-night drinkers’ bar (don’t ask why!) so we went to check it out for dinner.
I’ll admit the menu is just plain odd– about 1/2 of the menu is made of solid Tex-Mex dishes, with the balance split between normal American stuff (fish, burgers, salads) and local-style German food (Mettwursts, sauerkraut balls, etc.). I’ll admit… our first impression was “this place doesn’t know what it wants to be when it grows up.”
Of course, given all of this we came in with pretty modest expectations. We asked the server what to order and without hesitation he recommended the carnitas and the chimichangas. Again interesting, with carnitas (roast pork) being a REALLY Mexican dish, and the chimichanga just about as Texas as one can get. But what the hell, we turned our menus over, ordered those two dishes and a couple (really good!) margaritas and waited to see what we’d get.
Carnitas are one of my favorite Latin dishes, but it’s a very delicate balance between succulent bold flavor, and tough stringy pork. I feared the last desperately but what I was served was one of the tastiest orders of carnitas I’ve ever had. It was not only juicy as hell, it was actually SEASONED! All too many places ease up on the salt when making this dish– I can understand, as I don’t over-do it there, either. But roast pork simply REQUIRES it to maintain its moistness and flavor. I’m pleased to say they’ve got it figured out. Wow! The charro beans on the side were perfectly nice, and despite some very unmemorable rice, they’ve put together a quite excellent meal, easily surpassing expectations.
The chimichanga was less spectacular, but solid. This Tex-Mex wonder is basically a fried burrito, and I’m surprised NOT to see it on more menus around here, when noting the popularity of burrito places and fried foods. There’s little not to like– a chicken burrito, lightly fried, and topped with cheese sauce. It was pretty much exactly like it sounds. Decent, acceptable, even this being more than you’d expect from a local bar. And mid-way through the second margarita, it was tasting pretty good.
But even a pair of margaritas couldn’t keep things floating once karaoke started. Don’t get me wrong… I enjoy karaoke… late at night. But at 10:30, it’s a little early folks, and trust me you don’t want to be there for the first half hour. So, we packed it in, headed home and played Rock Band for a while because if there’s going to be karaoke… I want to play the drums.
Same as Ever, or Decieving Cincinnati?: Nicholson’s (Downtown)
One day this week at lunch, some colleagues and I were walking downtown and as I took my customary look down Walnut from Sixth, I saw a remarkable thing on the side of Nicholson’s Pub, the Scottish place across from the Aronoff. They were claiming to be “Cincinnati’s First and Finest Gastropub.” Could it be that the gastropub movement has finally reached our humble burg?
I know that reviews like these, where someone actually writes something negative about a place other people like, exposes folks like me to more an a fair share of “directed feedback.” So let me start with this: like it or not, the word “gastropub” counts to me like a claim– something you’ve got to back up. So if you’re the “first,” you certainly can’t mean you’re simply a pub with food, since you opened 12 years ago. So what do you mean? The more “current” definitions of gastropub talk much more about the sourcing of the food and the quality of the meal and experience. Perhaps this is the definition more sought-after. If so, I was wondering what had changed at the place to warrant such a big and boastful claim! I went inside to find out.
(By the way, if you’d like to read more about this phenomenon, take a look at this very interesting article: http://findarticles.com/p/articles/mi_m0JAW/is_84/ai_n19187661/)
So what of the menu? Well, pretty much identical to what they served before. It was on new paper, the font was bigger, and the number of selections were smaller… but I counted only 3 dishes I hadn’t seen here before. I’m sure there were probably more, but let’s just say it would strike one as being a “remarkably similar” menu.
Well, what of the food then?
I got the “prime rib melt,” thinking that this was the kind of dish where ingredient quality could be pretty directly noted. Guess what? Pretty much the same as anywhere else, which is interesting given that this restaurant group owns a place (de Sha’s) that is known for their prime rib. The whole thing came out greasy and fatty, with lukewarm fries. TOO BAD!
Now folks, please please please don’t get me wrong. I like Nicholson’s just fine! I do! If I were to go back (and I would) I’d order fish and chips and a Scotch egg, just like usual. And I’d enjoy it just like usual.
But folks… what gets me is the disingenuous marketing as a “gastropub.” It’s a pub with food, yes. The food is decent. But this is an early example of using the term as marketing rubbish. What it means, sadly, is that the term loses meaning to those folks most likely to want it to mean something! I feel badly for folks who go there for the first time expecting more. Don’t. Please do go, enjoy it, but stick to the basics. Fish and whisky’ll do ya fine!
IKEA’s Meatballs– thankfully not flat packed (West Chester)
OK, this doesn’t really warrant a full review but while rug shopping (fun, no?) early in the week, we happened upon IKEA’s cafe while we were hungry. On the one hand, hard for a furniture chain with hundreds of outlets around the world to be a credible food provider. On the other, name me two other places in Cincinnati where you can actually find five or six really local dishes native to Sweden?
We split an order of Swedish meatballs. The meatballs were clearly previously frozen, the gravy likely reconstituted, the fruit a little syrupy-sweet… but you know what, folks? It works. It’s kind of “party appetizer” food and I’ll admit this: while I won’t go myself out there to eat, but it’s the best “furniture store food” I’ve ever had. And you?
Enjoy your week… fall’s-a-comin’! Next weekend finds me in Ann Arbor for the beginning of the football season– bring it on!

































